Those binders will be mailed tomorrow. I’ve been lazy about washing and fixing them up but I got that all done today. So check your mailboxes in the next week or so!

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Q: were you giving away binders?

I was. They’ve all been claimed unless you would like to ask one of the people to reconsider. I’m fixing the binders up and sending them off soon since I have the addresses already.

However, I’ve recently come across something else that might be useful to you or anyone else: How to Make Your Own Binder


asked by Anonymous
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Abusive Relationship Red Flags Master Post

dirtydarwin:

via Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft:

  • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners

"A certain amount of anger and resentment toward an ex-partner is normal, but beware of  the man who is very focused on his bitterness or who tells you about it inappropriately early on in your dating. Be especially cautious of the man who talks about women from his past in degrading or condescending ways or who characterizes himself as a victim of abuse by women. Be alert if he says that his previous wife or girlfriend falsely accused him of being abusive; the great majority of reports of abuse are accurate When you hear that another woman considers him abusive, always find a way to get her side of the story…

Be cautious of the man who says that you are nothing like the other women he has been involved with, that you are the first partner to treat him well, or that earlier women in his life have not understood him. You will be tempted to work doubly hard to prove that you aren’t like those other women, and one foot will already bin in the trap. It won’t be long before he is telling you that you are ‘just like the rest of them’.”

  • He is disrespectful toward you

"Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows. If these kinds of behaviors are a recurring problem [sneers at your opinions, rudeness, sarcasm, etc.], or if he defends them when you complain about how they affect you, control and abuse are likely to be in the offing. [Also,] there may not be much difference between the man who talks down to you and the one who elevates you; both are displaying a failure to respect you as a real human being and bode ill."

  • He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable

"These can be signs of a man who is attempting to create a sense of indebtedness." This abuser may also act especially kind to your family and friends, so as to convince them that he could ‘never’ be cruel and abusive, making it hard for you to reach out to them when abuse does occur. 

  • He is controlling

"Control usually begins in subtle ways, far from anything you would call abuse. He drops comments about your clothes or your looks (too sexy or not sexy enough); is a little negative about your family or one of your good friends; starts to pressure you to spend more time with him or to quit your job; […] starts to give too much advice about how you should manage your own life and shows hints of impatience when you resist his recommendations; or begins to act bothered that you don’t share all of his opinions about politics, personal relationships, music, or other tastes."

  • He is possessive

"Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love… Jealous feelings are not the same as behaviors. A man with some insecurities may naturally feel anxious[…] and might want some reassurance. But if he indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy, control is creeping up…. Possessiveness shows that he doesn’t love you as an independent human being but rather as a guarded treasure.”

  • Nothing is ever his fault

"He blames something or someone for anything that goes wrong. As time goes by, the target of this blame increasingly becomes you."

  • He is self-centered

He feels entitled to your attention, but gives seldom in return. “Entitlement is the abuser’s belief that he has a special status and that it provides him with exclusive rights and privileges that do not apply to his partner.The attitudes that drive abuse can largely be summarized by this one word.

  • He abuses drugs or alcohol

"Although substances do not cause partner abuse, they often go hand in hand."

  • He pressures you for sex

"Not respecting your wishes or feelings regarding sex speaks of exploitativeness, which in turn goes with abuse. It also is a sign of seeing women as sex objects rather than human beings."

  • He gets serious too quickly about the relationship

"Watch out if he jumps too soon into planning your future together without taking enough time to get to know you and grow close, because it can mean that he’s trying to wrap you up tightly into a package that he can own."

  • He intimidates you when he’s angry

"Any of the following behaviors should put you on alert: he gets too close to you when he’s angry, puts a finger in your face, pokes you, pushes you, blocks your way, or restrains you [and/or] he tells you that he is "just trying to make you listen" [and/or] he raises a fist, towers over you, shouts you down, or behaves in any other way that makes you flinch or feel afraid [and/or] he makes vaguely threatening comments such as "you don’t want to see me mad" or "you don’t know who you’re messing with" [and/or] he drives recklessly or speeds up when he’s angry [and/or] he punches walls or kicks doors [and/or] he throws things around, even if they don’t hit you."

  • He has double standards

Holding you to a different standard than he does himself has a lot to do with the entitlement factor. He may never apologize, get angry often but then scold you for expressing your own feelings, or allow himself to go out late while forcing you to stay indoors. 

  • He has negative attitudes toward women

"A man may claim early in a relationship that he views you in a light different form that in which he sees women in general, but the distinction won’t last. If you are a woman, why be involved with someone who sees women as inferior, stupid, conniving, or only good for sex? He isn’t going to forget for long that you’re a woman. 

Stereotyped beliefs about women’s sex roles also contribute to the risk of abuse… [this] can become a serious problem, because he may punish you when you start refusing to live in his box. Women sometimes find it challenging to meet men who don’t have restrictive beliefs about women’s roles, particularly within certain cultural or national groups, but the effort to meet such men is an important one.”

  • He treats you differently around other people

"Adult abusers tend to put on a show of treating their partners like gold when anyone is watching, reserving most of their abuse for times when no one else will see. In teenage abusers the opposite is often true."

  • He appears to be attracted to vulnerability

"One way that this warning sign manifests itself is in cases of men who are attracted to women (or girls) who are much younger than they are. He is attracted to power and seeks a partner who will look up to him with awe and allow him to lead her. Of course, he usually tells her the opposite, insisting that he wants to be with her because of how unusually mature and sophisticated she is for her age. He may even compliment her on her sexual prowess and say how much power she has over him, setting up the young victim so that she won’t recognize what is happening to her. Even without a chronological age difference, some abusive men are drawn to women who have less life experience, knowledge, self-confidence, [or who may have been victims of abuse in the past,] and who will look up to the man as a teacher or mentor.”

*This post refers to men as the perpetrators and women as the victims, but of course it can apply to all genders and all types of relationships, including ones between two men or two women. 

*Some of these points, like substance abuse, don’t necessarily mean that the man is abusive. Although abusers share many characteristics, there is no one-size-fits-all description for an abuser. But, if you notice that your partner has some of these characteristics, I recommend seeking help or at least more information on domestic abuse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline for the United States and Canada: 1-800-799-SAFE

I would encourage everyone to read the above quoted book, it has so much valuable information.

(Please share and signal boost this post. It is so important for people, especially young women, to know this!!)

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Hello to all my lovely new followers (as well as my old ones)! Enjoy your stay and never feel afraid to talk to me. Even on anon, I love talking to people and answering questions.

Hope you all have a great day/night and are happy. :)

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hannahcarbons:

iguanamouth:

good days bad days

When iguanamouth does a serious comic, it cuts right to the bone. A brilliant piece.

(via eyecandybutts)

184,834 notes

(Source: ricchan99)

naughtilus:

i have a few things from my sketchbook that i never got around to posting so here we gooooooooo

naughtilus:

i have a few things from my sketchbook that i never got around to posting so here we gooooooooo

wratshit:

Foxfire — Moonsong Fill

wratshit:

Foxfire — Moonsong Fill

eyeofcorvidae:

flower boy and demons by klindicative
takehisan:

新刊の通販分も完売したようです。
ヤッター!ありがとうございました!
既刊はあと少しあるようなので、もし良かったらどうぞ
既刊【銀糸通信】http://alice-books.com/item/show/2590-1
絵は既刊の銀糸通信の目次になっているものです。
よくみるとがしゃどくろが・・

takehisan:

新刊の通販分も完売したようです。

ヤッター!ありがとうございました!

既刊はあと少しあるようなので、もし良かったらどうぞ

既刊【銀糸通信】http://alice-books.com/item/show/2590-1

絵は既刊の銀糸通信の目次になっているものです。

よくみるとがしゃどくろが・・

(via eyecandybutts)

staceythinx:

Selections from Tallmadge Doyle’s ethereal Celestial Mapping Series

(via leasline)

36,716 notes

staceythinx:

Orbital Mechanics by Tatiana Plakhova 

(Source: fubiz.net, via leasline)

54,434 notes

(Source: carbonsoulz, via no-made)